The secret to keeping instruments working

person Breyfolder_openSONGNEXaccess_time May 13, 2015

Hey everyone. Jake and I have a secret method for keeping instruments working. The method is so effective we had to share. The secret to keeping instruments happy and working is ….. reading to them! We have found that they like adventure stories best. Jake tried reading the PAN GC The Three Little Pigs and it started freaking out and made the chromatograms all noisy. I tried reading to the teledyne NOxy from the service manual of a Toyota Prius and it starting overheating. So far all instruments seem to like being read to from The Hobbit.

Please add the following to the SOP for each instrument.

1) Pat your instrument lightly on the shoulder and say “there there” at least 2 times.

2) Read from the hobbit for no less than 45 minutes (or two chapters, whichever is longer) with an animated voice.

3) Reading very loudly in the middle of the trailer does not count as reading to all the instruments. They know when you are trying to kill two birds with one stone and will take great offense to this. You need to read to EACH instrument separately. Also, they all prefer different voices.



  1. This is going to change the way science happens. This has completely changed my life. Before I used to read instrument documentation. Never again.

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